wandering eye

am eating the best corn chips withc heese and corn
YUM

i hope alice gets better
i love you alice.
one more day of term1 left.
then only 6 months of high school left.
EVER

what did you sayyyy.

bugger things just don't wanna go right for me.
don't shit talk about me behind my back to people that obviously like me more than you.. because there are so many people that are gunna hear..and tell me straight away
especially when i thought you'd never do that. and you most probably shouldn't do that ae since you're not meant to.
but i don't care.
you're getting on my nerves anyway.

just don't
of all people you've seen me get shit talked for the last month so you should know how much that upset me.
and yet you're just gunna follow in their shoes
COOOOOOLLL!!!!
loser.

don't care who you are.

where you're from, what you did
as long as you love me.

last night was epic.
well last two nights have been epic.
friday night me and phil just decided to wing it, ended up at the port hills looking over christchurch all lit up at 1am.
such a surreal beautiful speechless moment. you feel so insignificant but important at the same time. that there are all these other people around you that feel pain and you're not alone.

last night i went to anne frank which was boringggg
then i went out cruising with grace and aimee first, then ditched them for blair because they were going to a party in sethton that i didn't wanna go to. then me and blair talked for like 2 hoursss then kept lapping then got phil, kept lapping. got to about 4am we were like the only people out and we were noticed the car next to us was rory! as in rory sikslt! we were stoked and phil jumped out the car and did a crazy dance to make rory pull over haha, but now we got rorys contact details so we can catch up with him again. because he is such a gb.
then just hung out with fishy today (phil)
i'm so glad i didn't lose him
all this shit went down and he was there and is still there for me.
its nice to know he's got my back
and we spend so much time together and i never ever get sick of him because we're so alike. and man, he's so so so special to me.
people won't ever understand.
but fishy is my fishy forever.
my lucky fin.
FF fishys forever.
i hope we have many epic weekends ahead of us, for a long time.
it feels like it's been years but its only been months.
but in a good you make me feel so comfortable way.
:)

it messed me up

i wonder who'd care
wonder if anybody would even miss me after a week.
my relevance is sinking.

i promise when you start to sag.

people need to stop bitching and lying about me.
i never realised i was badass enough to believe that i would literally threaten to stab somebody.
for no apparent reason.
and i deliberately go out of my way to ruin peoples friendship and relationships.
i just don't get it
i've made some fucking BAD BAD mistakes but i didn't deserve to be totally trashtalked by people i was stupid enough to believe cared about me.

so fucking over all this bullshit

FUCK YOU ALL.

being nice gets you nowhere.
it appears to me that all the people that are horrible and nasty get further in life and end up getting what they want more often than those who try to factor in others feelings and try to treat people fairly.

how come bullshiters and liars and people that treat others like shit seem to win.
why can't the people that get hurt win, why can't anybody see the pain that some go through to get to where they are today.

now i'm told that this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it. would someone care to classify, of broken hearts and twisted minds so I can find someone to rely on

life is hard.

make it easier somebody?
people are allergic to loving me and treating me right.